Mam ekam

Does God choose our life partner or is it up to us to make our own choice? 

Many ask the question, does God choose our life partner or is it up to us to make our own choice? My answer is "yes" and "no" in that God will give us wisdom and guidance if we seek it, but we are responsible for choosing the one we marry. There are a few country and western songs that I really like, one of which is by Tracy Byrd. It's "The Keeper of the Stars." In his song Tracy says:     It was no accident me finding you     Someone had a hand in it     Long before we ever knew     Now I just can't believe you're in my life     Heaven's smilin' down on me     As I look at you tonight.     I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars     He sure knew what he was doin'     When he joined these two hearts     I hold everything     When I hold you in my arms     I've got all I'll ever need     Thanks to the keeper of the stars.     It was no accident me finding you     Someone had a hand in it     Long before we ever knew.2 The someone Tracy is referring to, in his words, is the "Keeper of the stars." This is how I feel. I also feel like "heaven's smilin' down on me." Some would argue that finding a wife or husband for them has not been a good experience. In fact, it's been the opposite. What few fail to realize, however, is that no matter what kind of person we married, there were reasons in us why we were attracted to that person in the first place. And if we will take a long hard honest look at what we contributed to the failure of our marriage, God will use this to help us grow and become a much healthier person. And that's a good thing. The fact is that only emotionally healthy happy people find healthy happy partners, and have healthy happy marriages.

Boundaries In relationships we all need healthy boundaries (not barriers, which are the same as walls) to shut the bad out and let the good in. That is, we need boundaries to protect ourselves from hurtful people and to stop people using and taking advantage of us—and to stop our rescuing irresponsible people. We also need boundaries to keep our own bad in—in order to stop us controlling, hurting, and/ or misusing others. If someone is abusing or hurting me, I need to let him/ her firmly but lovingly know that I will not accept their behavior. And, if they continue acting in a hurtful way, I will need to distance myself from them. However, at any point should they desire to meet in a kind and loving way, my door will always be open to them. Boundaries are thus to strengthen our "no" muscle. People who can't say "no" to others have either weak or no boundaries. And people who won't take "no" for an answer are boundary busters. These people remind me of a country-western song where the lady being pursued is having a problem with a would-be suitor in whom she has no interest. She asks, "What part of 'no' don't you understand … I'd be glad to explain…." On the other hand, walls put up insurmountable barriers and shut everybody out. People who build walls around their heart have been hurt in the past and, being afraid of getting hurt again, shut out everybody. You simply can't get close to this type of person. Consequently they have no close relationships and suffer from an inner loneliness and love deprivation. This is a very unhealthy way to live.  Dear all MAM EKAM    Sarvadharman Parityajya Mam Ekam Saranam Vraja | Aham tva Sarva Papebhyo Mokshayishyami Masuchaha ||BG 18.66               The first part of the sloka states, "Having given up all Dharmas or rites unintentionally, surrender to the Lord alone". Further, the first sentence explains the thing that has to be done by the doer of Saranagati. The second part assures, "I will release you from all sins and give Moksha; don't despair or grieve". In the second sentence the things that the Lord will do for the sake of doer of Saranagati is explained. On close observation, it is obvious that the first part of the verse shows that the Lord only as the Upaya or the means to be adopted at times of distress and the later part explains the fruits of Saranagati      The first sentence of the sloka contains six words (Sarvadharman, Parityaja, Mam, Ekam, Saranam, Vraja) and the second sentence contains five words (Ahamtva, Sarvapapebyo, Mokshayishyami, Ma, Suchaha) - both comprise 32 alphabets.        Sarva Dharman Parithyajya Mam:       Where there many dharmas? Why Sarva dharman? Sanathana Dharma is only stressed by all and it’s the only one, then why “Sarva”? Could have said, Sarva yogan, but says dharma, why? I think, dharma is a way of life. Sanathana is the only one. But Kapila devised one; Rishis devised few ways; people followed few ways bending the rules; however all where within the accepted codes of Vedas; this is said at the end of Thredha yugam; already Arjuna (the people) are in the confused state of mind; methods of Bhakthi or realisations may take a vicious turn too; Arjuna may fight or may not; dejection may over power Arjuna (the people) under the exhaustive sufferings; then he needs a stick to save himself from further peril; Like Gajendra,like cornered-to-the-wall-folks, like Droupadi- leaving all holds of modesty ,while-  taking off her hands, clutching the saree-no more defense-ITS ENOUGH.            What it is, Total surrender?.” I -have –no- energy –left- over” act.” UDUKKAI IZHANDAVAN KAI POLE –IDUKKAN KALAIVADHAM-NATPU.’ (Tirukkural). Have you not read Droupadi had greater friendship with Kannan, than Pancha Pandavas? She surrendered totally, even leaving out, what, a woman will dare not. Bhagavan expects here that kind of saranagathi. Vibheeshanan did that, leaving the kingdom and the reputations.  LEAVE EVERY THING BEHIND. ONE REQUIRES A GREATER STRENGTH TO DO IT. IT’S A DIFFERENT KIND OF MIND GAME. Then the Brahman will become your friend, removing all your troubles. All surrendered people who are in the status of ignorant, are treated equally as a friend.         Sarva dharman –in all ways of life existing, existed and may come to exist in future, -MERGE WITH ME GIVING UP ALL; while giving up its renunciation; when it is TOTAL it is ABSOLUTE BHAKTHI; when the modesty is forgotten, it is vivekam(Gnanam); “EUREKA of Archimedes. So all the combined- knowhow of the Sanyasa, karma and Gnana yogas, is- Surrender.        It’s tough, tougher than every yoga mentioned. Then why HE said that as if easier? Arjuna (people) is desperate and confused. He is cornered to the wall, and had to take a decision, right in the battle –field (in the midst of imminent sufferings). There is no time left to go thro various yogas (way of life). Final-CRISIS MANAGEMENT. Swa dharma has to be invoked to defend the situation. DRASTIC PROBLEM REQUIRES DRASTIC SOLUTION. Any cornered person would like to cling to what he gets. Tough times don’t last but tough people do. When the mind is without fear or any emotions, mind floats around for the last straw to hold, which has got to be started, no other Go; having got the dead body in the pitch dark night, there is no time to verify, but has a single (EKAM) solution to reach the other side of the flooded river; to die or to see the beautiful lady across. Surrender. Let us see how tough it is later. “Psycho-analysis”test done by the Lord. Today, Nithyanandas follow and such people want to swim with the dead body. One was positive and now (today)the negative track.      “Pari-thyajya”—meaning , Given up, hopeless, averse to all prescriptions, . One has missed all the boats. One had forsaken all kinds of Dharmas. One has become a cliff-hanger. “Mom Ekam’ HAS BEEN interpreted by all as  I AM THE ONLY ONE.   However I thought, why not “Mom Sarva dharman Parityajya”-- Meaning Within MY knowledge, having known, of those who have given up whatever dharma kinds there are. Subramanya Bharathi said,(like) “ Yamarindha Mozhigalile” (In all the languages in my knowhow). Bharathi includes all languages known and unknown. Lord Krishna includes every dharma, the way of life, in all seasons. If “Mom Ekam” is split, Mom goes ahead as a prefix to PROBLEM. Hence EKAM goes as prefix to SOLUTION.          “Ekam saranam Vraja’:   Vraja means CHOICE. Problems are multiple; one is cornered to the wall; there are no way out since all the ways have been ignored or failed. There is no alternative. There is no Plan A, Plan B etc. And it is well within HIS knowledge. HE says there is a solution. A SOLUTION—EKAM. Then WHERE IS THE QUESTION OF CHOICE? Arjuna (people) has no choice yet? The choice ,perhaps is (1) QUIT the battle, which is not swadharmam. (2) Keep the ball in opponent court and get along with the only Krishna (which only he asked for before the battle). Lord advocated the choice of the latter, the SURRENDER (VRAJA). Rather the only solution available to maintain the swadharmam. (EKAM).      The word, EKAM also denotes, there are dvai, tri etc.  The words “Aham, Tvam” follow suit as indicators. May be these lead to Visishtadvaitham and Dvaitham. Also surrender also could mean that one is inferior and another superior. Hence The Ramanujar and the Madwar took to another DHARMA AND ANOTHER, which the Lord already anticipated.        However, Brahmam if not Omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresence, then there are more than ONE Brahmam. ATMAS shall also be more than one. If One Brahmam or Atman is superior to others, assuming but not admitting, then other atmans and Brahmans shall exit (NOT EXIST), which is not true.. If Both the athman and Atman are equal, there shall be UNPERISHABLE BRAHMAMs OR ATMANs, which is not true.    Suppose there is a whole circle comprising within many circles, as In Maths, all circles (mini) are part of the Big circle. One manifest in all and all have the same characters of the one. OM POORNAMADAH POORNAMIDAM POORNAAT POORNAMUDACHYATE POORNASYA POORNAMAADAAYA POORNAMEVAAVASHISHYATE  OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTIH The inner circles as well as the one whole circle have common properties, indestructible. Yet they remain a witness as if separate, but is not true. In short what exists is one circle but the structure creates an appearance of so many. Inner circles have the common property ,yet can vary in quantum , increasing and invisible, decreasing  but never destroying, making the whole always a whole. Purusha is all pervading and Arjuna, Vithura had seen the “the created (evolutes?)” within the cosmos of the Lord. ABC are real the circle main is also real, but the ABC are APPARENT THAN REAL and BIG CIRCLE IS REAL. The real things as presumed become apparent hence UNREAL OR MAYA and not as NON-EXISTENT.         Hence IT IS NOT EKAM, BUT NETI, NETI, since Ekam denotes more than one exists. Therefore it was said that,”na Dvaitham” (ADVAITHAM). Once pronounced No twos, there is no necessity to say no three etc, hence there is only one. ONLY ONE IS TRUTH,REAL AND ONE IS ALL AND THE ALL IS ONE, SO THAT ,AT ANY POINT OF TIME AND SPACE, AVIVEKAM CREATES AN APPARITION,HIDING THE REAL. ONCE THE IMAGINERY AVIVEKA OR MAYA,VEIL IS REMOVED, BOTH ATMANS MERGE, SINCE THEY ARE IT-TAT TVAM ASI. Tirumoolar said Marathai maraithadu mamda  yanai, marathil maraindadu mamada yanai. This is surrender.       In short, SURRENDER is not that easy. But in drastic situation it would serve as a drastic solution, as there is nothing else to hold THE EGO, in that second IT DOES HAPPEN. LORD SUGGESTED THIS TO ARJUNA AS “EKAM” SOLUTION. One entering the fray, there is no coming back and HE IS ALWAYS THERE VIZ “aham tva”- Sarva papbehyo, Moshyishyami—I shall make you a mumukshu.     Again assertive “SARVA” AS IN THE FIRST LINE. When there is spotting of the elephant, wood disappeared, but one has to leave the hands from the holding of the saree. Not knowing that is MAYA which is again HIM, Elephant in Maya or apparent mood, looks as mere wood. This is Snake and rope, this is Pot and clay etc in Layman style. As there can never be two Brahmam, from Dvaitham and Visishtadvaitham, one shall enter into advaitham. Visishtadvaitham knew it, but made it a little flexible to human, not to get the fear of Brahmam. Because still one may have a doubt, whether the words of the Lord is true, he completes it as MA SHUCHA-NEVER DOUBT. Once the ball is placed in the opponent court, HE shall come to play to shoot the goal and so confirmed HIS promise. Brahmam need not say HE IS ONE, as in aviveka he will not understand and in vivekam there is no necessity.